Teleportation

Teleportation is something I had been dreaming about since a few hours ago when I woke up and didn't want to walk to the shower. I mean I could just open my eyes, press a button and WOOSH, I'm in the shower. I never thought that it would be possible, but I know it will be. Like, there's that hamburger thing in a tube and cloning of things and 3D printers already, so why can't there be teleportation? There's also even the idea of teleportation! It's been around forever and in movies and so many attempts. So there's no way that it cannot be done. Star Trek, Jumper, Harry Potter, Power Rangers, X-men, Napoleon Dynamite (almost) are all movies where teleportation exists. If you could teleport, there would be no reason to drive, walk, fly or do anything. Teleportation would also have  problems too. Like, nerds hacking it, prices of the whole thing, immigrants, stalking, and more illegal stuff. But, everyone who traveled would be tracked and the teleporter would be run my the government anyway. And then, it's not even fun anymore. But, it would still be cool.


Dear Obama, please make a teleporter so that I may take a shower effortlessly.
Sincerely, your biggest fan, Elias. 

25 Accurate Predictions for 2014

This year in 2014, I have some predictions for this year, even better than the Washington Post's. These predictions aren't bold, they're real and they will happen.

I'm Jesse Ventura, and this is CONSPIRACY THEORY!!!


Paula Deen is sick and is in the hospital for 2 weeks.

Psy comes out with some new Asian thing, but it isn't as big.

Dennis Rodman becomes a North Korean citizen.

SNL does something on Dennis Rodman this weekend.

George Bush dies (old Bush)

Jimmy Fallon is on top for late night TV

Facebook Dies

 The Cardinals or Reds win the World Series this year.

Smart cars die.

Hipsters in Austin flee to Buffalo and Portland.

50's hip hop and R&B begin a new era

Tupac comes back, he was living in North Dakota under the Alias "Rukahs Caput"

Old TV shows come back, as reruns

David Letterman retires, Bieber has new show.

The Texas Longhorns go 11-2 for the new season

More athletes come out of the closet

Rhinos become extinct

Life on Moon

Blackberry goes Bankrupt

GM Thrives

iPhones aren't a hot commodity anymore

Coffee prices skyrocket

Gas prices plummet

The Aztecs reveal an apocalypse date

Board Games become a thing  

Do I have a serious illness?

As I was searching some home remedies on the internet for a runny nose the other day, I stumbled upon WebMD. WebMD is a site where you can diagnose yourself with every sickness ever known. Or at least that's how I see it. There were some really weird illnesses that had very broad symptoms, which I had. Some of these broad symptoms were runny nose, drowsiness, headaches, and it turns out I've got it all. From osteoporosis to heart disease and everything in between, I'm pretty sure I have it.

Even things like drinking coffee, staying up too late, eating too much of this or too little of that can cause serious problems. But then, there are those "once a day" things for old people on TV that have names like ricaricac, spingloa, trencfolab, unvariten, viagra, glentravier, exventroa, ring a bell?
Well, those cause even more problems once you take them, like "Coughing, sneezing, farting, an erection lasting more than 32 hours, headaches, nausea, vomiting, death, diarrhea, stuff like that. But don't worry! Your life threatening illness will be long gone soon enough!

No thanks, but I'll live with the runny nose.

 I'm not sick anymore, but when I was, I think I should have just popped open a can of Campbell's soup and dealt with the runny nose. I'll do that next time, and you should too. Don't go to WebMD, just call the oldest person you know and ask for some weird voodoo remedies, and you should be fine. 

I want to go camping.

I haven't been camping in years. For me, that's something that never happens. Well, I guess the last time I stayed overnight in a tent was a few months ago, but the reason wasn't to camp, it was a mountain bike race, and there are no Holiday Inns in the middle of nowhere. And real camping too, not a campsite with driveways with you between two RV's and showers down the trail. That's not camping. Camping is when there are no water faucets around and nowhere to plug in your iPhone. But the point isn't to live like Bear Grylls, it's to have fun, like everything is supposed to be. Here are some places I would like to camp.

1. The Sahara Desert

     What better place to prepare for my first Burning Man by camping out in the desert like Zero in Holes. There's tons of nothing to see, and there's no entrance fees! Just make sure to bring some shades.

2. Antarctica
     One time I saw this documentary about penguins and how they function as a society. There's also this dancing penguin that sounds like Elijah Wood there. Might want to bring a sweater.

3. African Rain Forest

I've always wanted to camp here. The African Rainforest is where Fruit Loops were invented in 1776. There's a museum that campers can visit to learn about the talking dodo bird that was the country's bird, until it's extinction. Don't forget your bathing suit for the beach!

Can the average blogger make a living from Google Adsense?

Many people have blogs online. Really if you think about it, almost everyone has a blog. It's either their rants on Facebook, Twitter, or some other site where you can talk with more than 140 characters. But you can't make any money talking about how good that movie you watched on Netflix was or how this band you found makes you the coolest person on earth. Nobody cares.

But if you're good at talking about pointless things, you just might be able to make a few bucks. And that's all you'll ever make.

Some people have really good things to talk about and have said that they have made over 300k from Google Adsense within a span of 8 years. That's a lot of money. But this person is serious about what they do. They post daily, twice a day even, and it''s formal and important to some people.

This blog is also important, to me at least. But not so formal. It's possible to make just as much money too, but it is very hard for the average blogger like myself. So about how much am I banking from blogging?

Hey kid, read my blog

About $1 in the last 4 months.Which concludes the myth of the wealthy average blogger. They don't exist. The only living someone could make from blogging would be on the streets. MYTH - BUSTED

Evolution of the Tag (the hash type)

The hashtag is the new language of 2013. It derived first from Twitter when Chris Messina (internet geek) proposed the idea of it with the hashtag "barcamp" as something he thought it would be similar to.  

It worked. After that, hashtags were a thing on Twitter. They thought it was a good idea, and so did everyone else. There's not really another source of the hashtag, except for a typo somewhere on the internet before, but Twitter made it #official. It's even in the dictionary, look it up. It also doesn't come up as a misspelling anywhere like a word document, or at least some. Hashtags got cool, fast. There's not an alternative hashtag for people who prefer something like % or ^ because that's just dumb.

 Hashtags also help people find what they're looking for too. It's not just a tag or comment at the end of a joke. It's to find topics, tweets or articles, making life easier; that's the point (for the one's who are unaware of this).  #realtalk

According to many social media sites, the most popular hashtag on Instagram is "love". It's pretty common, nothing out of the ordinary, but there are other hashtags that don't make too much sense like #jj and #a.

As for now, hashtags are here to stay. #forever

3 comedians who have inspired me to not be a comedian.

All comedians are funny, but some are way funnier than others. My philosophy on the amount of funny that comes out of a comedian is based on his or her childhood or young life. The harder it was, the funnier they are now. If their life was pretty much made (non-Jewish), they're not as funny. There isn't much to support this argument, but its about 95% accurate.

Now there are three people who were either Jewish or had a hard life, or both. These people are George Carlin, Bill Hicks and Lenny Bruce. I am neither Jewish, not grew up in a bad part of Chicago or NYC (yes there's a bad part, there's always a bad part) or any city, roughing it everyday on the streets.

Lenny Bruce being searched by the 5-0

Lenny Bruce was funny. He was someone that no one would feel comfortable listening to his albums with (like parents). But his life just really sucked growing up as a comedian. With drugs and stuff like that, it's not something that anyone would want to go through to be talking in front of a crowd at Carnegie Hall. Unless their into that sort of stuff, but it's not favorable. Lenny Bruce was also Jewish, which somehow is a boost to being funny for anyone, I'm not sure how.

George Carlin's life sucked very much as well. Even in his book, Last Words, he describes how bad his life got with drugs and how he, his wife and child went rock-bottom as he was starting out as a comic. Although he was not Jewish, he was one of the funniest Irish-Catholics OF ALL TIME.

Bill Hicks was just the guy that was really crazy and would win in a debate tournament with a Nobel Prize, but he'd probably get disqualified for racism, profanity and having offended every living person. Also having a mullet isn't the most popular hairstyle today. He's also not the most liked person at all. Even people who like him, don't like him.

So there's three comedians that have inspired me to never pursue the career of comedy. It's not worth it.