Going off topic: What's that smell? In the public library

"Can I borrow your library card?" - The stink in the library (Steve Buscemi in Big Daddy)

I like the library. I like it more than bookstores. But I've been visiting bookstores more often now. I don't think it's a bad thing though. It's just that feeling of ownership over a book that makes me feel good. But then, I don't know why I need to buy a book. I realized this when I was watching an episode of Seinfeld and George had just broken up with a woman when he realized he left his books at her house. Jerry asked if he had read them, he said yes, and then told him to forget about the books. So that's what I'm trying to do, forget about the books. Once I read them, they leave back to the 'SELL HERE' section of the bookstore. Along with the old CDs I have because who listens to CDs anymore, right? It's all about the vinyl now, but I can't stand it. But the weirdest part, and the hardest part about going to the library, is that smell. It's the smell, the same smell when you walk into one (especially Faulk). The gross, hot summer stench of a dead rat that keeps showing up around the computer area. Hobos don't really care about the ownership of a book, so that's why they end up in the library. But what is it? Does it make me look intellectual? Does it make me cool? Do I want people to know what I read? And what is that smell? Anyway, I'm just going off topic.

If you're homeless and visit the library, please don't.

Finding the right one for me

Have you ever been looking and looking for the right one for you but can't ever find it? You're not alone. This happened to me when I was at H-E-B today (crowned the best grocery store in the US). I was looking for some good avocados to make some guac and plant some pits, which is putting the "seed" in the water. I have about seven sitting on my window sill now, no green yet. But anyway, I can never find the perfect avocado or any fruit for that matter. They're always too hard or too soft and never just right. It takes real skill to do this and a skill many learn as adults or never learn at all. Being on the not-so-strict vegan diet I am on (had beef fajitas for lunch) I know my way around the produce section. Here's how to do it. Not too hard, not to soft, but lean towards a softer one. If you can't tell the difference, well you just might want to stop reading right now. Here's also some advice on bananas, where I also can never find the right one for me. They're almost always green with more green than yellow. Unless you stumble upon the 50 cent bag of ripe, brown spotted bananas, then buy those immediately. But when looking for the right bundle of bananas, it doesn't matter how pretty they look because you shouldn't be eating them when they're a clean yellow. Why? Well because they're not ripe and taste bad, which is probably why you don't eat bananas in the first place. Eat them when they're spotted because they taste a lot better then, have more alkaline in them, and look a lot better inside. No, they're not bad if they're bruised, you just have a fruit problem, and I just diagnosed you. So when it comes to looking for the right one in your life, just wait, they'll be ripe soon enough.

Pizza is the national food of ME

Sorry to Naples, Italy, but we sort of own the pizza. I know that pizza was originated in Italy and when you think of pizza, you think of the Italian flag and "Italian style" pizza with the New York pinch of flavor, coming from all of the Italian immigrants of course (thanks), not George Washington and a bald eagle, but it's ours. I noticed this the other day while I was buying my weekly suit and thought what the real food of our country is. The first few things were the hamburger, pizza, funnel cake, weight loss pills, and ice cream. I then scientifically narrowed these down to hamburger and pizza. How is that? Well it's simple. I asked a random group of 20,000 people of which food they prefer. 38 percent said they like Hamburgers and the other half said they want some pizza. And when you think about it, when has any class had a hamburger party? Never. Because pizza is easy to make, eat, and throw in the fridge for tomorrow. There's also not a pizza flavored hamburger, but there's a hamburger flavored pizza. Or when it's Friday and you say, "hey what are we gonna eat tonight?" And then someone says "lets get pizza!" I also researched the amount of pizza shops versus the amount of burger joints in Austin, TX and there's more hamburger joints than pizza, unfortunately. Well, I at least like pizza. So it's the national food of me I guess. But don't worry, I eat healthy too, and so should you. Maybe a veggie pizza would fix that. With gluten free bread too because I once ate gluten free bread and woke up looking like all three Jonas brothers. 

 eating healthy

A Bloem (That means Blog Poem)

This is a Bloem, a poem on a blog. That also means that it can only make less sense (from what poems are already). 

On a Thursday Night, it's thundering, no fright, I just might make some tea.
But Me? Make some tea? No siree! I am a man and a man makes.. Coffee.
But Coffee? That's not me. I kinda like tea. Only Green.
And that means tomorrow's Friday, Friday is my day, hay day, make way for me, Friday. Anyway.
Is a dog brown if it's a down clown ready to go to town to buy a crown, my dog, he's brown. And the brown is soft, not the brown but the dog, the dog likes no fog for he sleeps in a log. No dog likes to jog in fog.

I woke up drank some not tea, and I flee and all of a sudden I see! Someone? No that's me. In  the mirror. I must've been staring in the mirror. It kills so much time I just, wait. Did you hear that? The Thunder #Thunder. Clash mag in a slumber at most can I have your number?
And don't forget! Plantains, avocados just right, and plums with red on the inside with no cucumbers. But what do they look like on  the outside and no cucumbers? Yeah no cucumbers, on that post in a Tumblr. No cucumbers!
Hey! Little Girl! On the curb! Hand me that snowcone on the ground! It's still fresh, no joke. But watch out don't choke, there's a roach in it! Just kidding just hand it, to me he spoke.
Anyway, the rhyme has come to a close, as I must pick up some clothes, from the cleaners, my gold suit and my jeaners and please no pictures for my eyes have got no fixtures. My glasses I mean I do them on the lean, for free, they're clean and that ain't no LIE.

Is it cool?: Calling on the phone

Ever since smartphones came out, everyone has been really insecure with their phones. Mostly because things have gotten very personal on smartphones because there's so much to do on them.

But I still enjoy talking on the phone, because I think I look cool doing it. But when other people see me talking on the phone, they think I'm talking to someone who's telling me something really important.

"My son, huh?"

You know, that kind of situation where your mom is calling you to tell you to come to the front office or something like that. But it's usually me just talking to a friend. And I feel really cool doing it too. Like I'm talking to the president, laughing and everything. It definitely looks cooler than me making weird smiles at the screen and trying not to laugh. But then I think about me being that one obnoxious guy on the bus who laughs and screams through the phone. I don't want to be that guy. Or the guy who touches and plays with everything when on the phone. This includes the wall, people's desk toys, and people, while walking around.
I think older people have no problem doing this, just people my age, younger who have a hard time trying to talk on the phone. The next step is trying to find someone who will actually have a conversation with you on the phone, besides grandma.

So, is it cool? Yeah, it's cool.

Going off topic: Doing different things

It struck me the other day as I was sipping my morning tea and reading the paper. What am I doing with my life? And then I thought, "Oh yeah, I'm doing this." The usual boring things that every person my age is doing. Preparing for college and trying to get volunteer hours at house parties (never happens)  is what most people are doing. But me? Well I'm kind of doing the same thing, except the house party volunteering . I like to volunteer at places where I get cool stuff out of it. No not ACL or SXSW, that's for scrubs and freshman. And no, sorry soup kitchen and homeless shelter, my grandma has got that covered already (you get free lunch out of that I think). I'm talking about skills. Places where I can get skills, "mad skillz". But anyway, this high school thing is getting a little boring. There should really only be three years. Because really, what do you even do senior year? To me, it looks like a whole lot of nothing. Nothing and off campus lunch, big deal. AND junior year is the hardest year right? So, what's up with senior year. Not that I'm looking toward paying rent and stuff, but hey, that makes gap year a legitimate thing. That would give me some opportunities to actually do something. Like get some professional training or just go to college. But then where would I go? Then the whole college application thing would be different since everyone gets out junior year. But that's just going off topic.

I need a kickstarter for my kickstarter.

Kid who knows how to party. (Note the ankle socks)

In eighth grade (a forever ago), I competed in the regional science fair, and lost. I would have won if it wasn't for that same kid who wins every year with his dad. But anyway, my project was on memory, vocals, brain function, and sleep. Now if you put all of these things together, you'll end up in your shower. I wondered if it wasn't just me who could sing  really well in the shower. Like you know, when you sing in the shower and you think, "Wow, I sound really good" then realize it's been half an hour and you haven't even shampooed. Or when you remember something in the shower, but forget once you get out. My project didn't make too much sense because I was an eighth grader who did a Coke and Mentos project the year before (Diet Dr. Pepper works better), but it pointed out something we all share.

Today, I am going to revive this science project and will need about $50,000 to fund it. I'm not asking for money, but I know where I can get money from people on the internet, Kickstarter. If you didn't already know, Kickstarter is a platform where people show off their adult size science project or lame childrens' book and receive money from people who think it would be cool.
This is no lame childrens' book, this is real life. I haven't actually started it yet because a pitch on blogger is easier. But here's what I'm going to do.

I will put 150 people in showers and test their vocal skills, brain function, memory, and sleepiness before, during, and after their shower. Then I'll throw some graphs on it and win the Nobel Prize.

It might not actually go like that, or as soon, so for right now it's going back in my box of "Ways to be famous on the internet".

Look out for the shower singing guy in a few years.